Croatian postcards

I would like to offer an apology for my absence and lack of writing to my dear readers, as little as I have them. I’ve just started my first year at the University of Philosophy in Split and I have 2 majors English language & literature and History and a ton of work to do. But let’s just focus on the subject at hand, shall we.

I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time, because I have a lot of postcards from various places in Croatia, that I got from my family and friends. And yes, bugging and annoying your friends and family to send you postcards from wherever they go does work.

Postcard of Makarska

Stamp no. 644 Omiš and Makarska postal signet

Postcard of Mljet

Stamp no. 662 Helleborus niger and Dubrovnik postal signet

Postcard of Podgora

Stamp no. 298 Istrian and Dalmatian braciera and postal signet

Multiview postcard of Vis

Singleview postcard of Vis

Stamp no. 654 New Year stamp with postal signet

Postcard of Vukovar

Postcard of Zaton

Next time you’ll see some of the  postcards sent by my family and friends from abroad.

The infinite human stupidity

It never ceases to amaze me how truly stupid and generally infuriating some people are; and I can’t believe I still let myself be surprised by this after everything that’s happened to me. I’m an open minded person, or at leas I consider myself open minded, and I try not to have prejudice toward anyone and give everyone an opportunity to show me who they truly are. Sometimes people screw up, it can happen and it happens, and I don’t simply stop talking or seeing them because they made a mistake. After all we are all humans and we make mistakes, so I give people another chance. But some people are just assholes, pardon my French, and because you’re kind to them they think they can exploit you and treat you like dirt. Fool me once shame on me, fool me twice shame on you, but there won’t be the third time. No, no.

I meet people wherever I go: at work, at the university, at classes, on the bus, on the beach, on the internet, in coffee shops and streets. Some of those people just pass by and our lives never touch nor connect, but sometimes we connect and become acquaintances, and sometimes friends. As I said I’m open minded and tolerant toward most things as long as you don’t pressure me in to something. Despite being somewhat cynical and sarcastic I believe that people are generally good or at least OK and I certainly won’t look at you like a local sheriff because you dress or talk differently. I will accept you with all your flaws and virtues and if we have that spark, click, whatever you want to call it I think you’ll find that I’m a great friend. I’m always there when you need me and as the quote goes: “I will be there when the storms come, when the morning’s gone. I will hold you when comfort is all you need. But dare to tell me on which side will you be?”

There’s this girl that I know, or at least thought I know, and she always seams to find some stupid reason, someway to make me so angry that I just want to scream. I don’t understand her; I don’t understand myself when it comes to her. Why do I even react like that? Why can’t I just put her on ignore after everything she has done? Why am I so stupid to get involved in to her idiotic games? Why? Why? Why? So many questions and no answers… Perhaps I know, perhaps it’s just me being stubborn and not wanting to give up, trying to show her that she can’t push people around and get what she wants. But in the end I’m the one that gets burned and I’m facing the consequences of her actions. Little Miss Drama Queen just walks away like nothing happened.

It’s really getting lame how she dramatises everything that’s happening in her life. She’s got gall stones and acts like it’s the end of the world because she has to go to the hospital and have them surgically removed. Big deal, my mother aged 57 had gall stones a few years ago, went to a hospital, got them removed and was out in 4 days total. My mother never made a fuss about it; to her it was just another thing she needed to deal with. And every time someone mentions money Miss Drama Queen complains how she’s always broke, and how she can’t ask money from her parents because she’s embarrassed. But when she goes abroad 6 times a year and to various concerts than asking money from parents is suddenly not a problem. She makes me sick, her hypocrisy, deceptions, dramatics and lies… The whole package is just discussing. No, I don’t hate her. You have to love someone first to hate him/her, that’s the other side of the coin. She just annoys me, but what irks me more is that every time everyone is on her side no matter what she does. Her hobbies and interests are supported, mine are frown upon and declared strange. I terrorise people with my hobbies, she doesn’t even when the opposite is true.

I’m really on the edge here, on the edge of snapping… I just want to quit, throw in the towel and say: You won, now leave me alone, please. I’m so close to leaving our mutual friends, people who I’ve known for 4 years and after those 4 years I feel like I don’t know them at all. Maybe it’s because of who I am; I mean the way I act. I don’t talk unless I have something to say, I don’t complain when I’ve got problems, because guess what? Everyone has them! I just suck it up and do what has to be done. And some people just talk, and talk, and talk even when they have nothing intelligent to say. Because of that they are considered social and they’re very popular with the crowd. The people with brains and work ethics are ignored in their favour. But no one ever said life was fair, and I’m not asking it to be, I’m just asking not to be ignored and looked like a freak of nature. Is it so hard to except someone like me?

I’m not sure what I’m going to do, leave or stay. For now every vote is on the leaving side and I know that the slightest heartbeat, slightest drop will fill this cup and everything will overflow and flood. I only hope that I’ll get out of this alive and unspoiled with a sound mind and heart. Let’s just stick to that and think positive. Suck it up and fight them until you can’t. And don’t worry, everything’s going to be alright.

Culture snob?

Last night I went out with a few of my friends and we sat on a bench near the sea and talked about various things. We haven’t seen each other for a long time and decided to catch up on things in life: like who got in to the university, or who passed all the exams and who has a new job. Somehow along the way we got on the topic of anime – Japanese cartoons. And my friend starts talking about what anime he saw recently and he starts listing the ones we must see, because they’re so awesome. And then he turns to me and asks did I watch that anime he mentioned that a mutual friend of ours sent us a long time ago. I said that I think I watched one or two episodes and that I just didn’t find it all that fascinating, it didn’t have the vibe or the atmosphere to attract me.

He was so shocked at this and wanted to know why. I felt like I was at court and I had to justify my actions to a judge; a rather unpleasant feeling when you’re among friends. I explained that recently I’m just not that in to anime and manga (Japanese comics), and that I rather watch Japanese films or read books. And then he snorted and declared me a snob and I looked at him with a rather confused and silly look on my face. It seams to me that nowadays you get declared a snob just for reading books and watching films instead of doing something else. I remember when the word snob had a different meaning, but I guess times change and definitions of things with it.

To be perfectly honest my interest in Japan, Japanese language and culture started with anime, or to be more precise with Escaflowne. I won’t deny that; and I certainly won’t deny that I loved it and wanted more, and that’s how I got hooked to that aspect of Japanese culture. But for me anime and manga are not Japan, at least not all of it, and neither are the techno gadgets and marvels – things that people first think about Japan when the name comes up in a conversation. For me Japan is its history, literature, haiku poetry, novels both new and old, old arts like ikebana, cha no ju, calligraphy, art, songs and folk dances… A lot of things make a culture, not just one aspect; and in this case a very modern one.

But I get irritated when I realise how superficial people are; how they don’t understand or don’t want to understand that you can’t just take one thing from a culture, the thing you’re interested in, and ignore everything else and then declare that you know something about the culture you’re studying. The nerve of some people! And the most ridicules thing I heard last night from the same friend concerning Japanese language: a person just needs to watch a dozen anime and he or she can understand the language. Yeah, right, if it were that easy than everyone would learn any language like that. I spent 2 semesters in a school for foreign languages learning Japanese and finished both semesters with an A and I still think I don’t know enough to communicate easily with a native speaker. And it’s not just the language, words; it’s the grammar and writing – learning 3 types of letters, learning how to draw kanji, how it’s pronounced in various combinations… That’s hard work and you can’t learn that by watching television. You have to sit, take a piece of paper and practice, practice and practice until its second nature to you.

It’s rather sad to know that immersing yourself in a nation’s culture and history is looked upon as snobbish and you’re mocked because of your interest by your friends. The very people you hoped to support you. I don’t know is this even worth the irritation and the justification, or should I just give up trying to explain my love and passion for something to people who just don’t care enough to appreciate those things. Will they ever understand that I don’t see Japan the way they do, or that I don’t want to go to Japan to see the modern sites of Tokyo? Probably not, because when I say I want to go to Kyoto first, and then to Nara and see traditional festivals they give me that look, that oh I didn’t see that coming look. Perhaps it’s because I’m a historian by nature and I’m interested in the past and because I believe the only way to understand the present is to know your past, or it’s just that I want to know the culture as a whole, not just in carefully selected fragments… Am I crazy? Most likely yes, but then again at least my passions don’t hurt people and I try not to bother them with it. But as the song goes: You can’t always get what you want, but sometimes you can get what you need.

In hope I’ll get what I need… Whatever that is.

I’m just a lucky so and so

This is my first big story in English. The events from this one shot  are partially based from my life. I was  going trough a rather awkward situation with my ex, very similar to the one described here and I had to get this out of my system. I usually deal with my frustrations of finding solutions to my problems by writing stories in Croatian, but this time I decided to write in English, just to push myself. I don’t know how good this is, it’s probably terrible… Please feel free to give me critiques and comments about my style and the story itself. Is there enough description? Did I make everything clear? Do I need to change something in my writing style? Anything that pops in to your mind and you think that will help me is more then welcome. Remember this is my first English prose work.

The night was hot and humid, the kind of night that made you want to stay at home with the air condition on, or just move to the North Pole for a bit of fresh, cold air. But instead of staying at home with the air condition on at full blast he was driving his car, his best friend claiming the shotgun seat. The sound of Louis Armstrong’s trumpet accompanied by Duke Ellington’s piano was coming from the radio at maximum volume. Not the typical driving music, but this was not a typical night for a cruise around town. He stole a glance her way and noticed that she was just staring through the window.

- Do you want to drive? – He asked her when he stopped at a red light. Although the road was almost empty, he didn’t want to risk a drive through a red light only to be stopped by a police car a few metres ahead. He was not in the mood for it. Actually he wasn’t in much of a mood these days.
- Nah, it’s OK. – She replied after a long silence. – I don’t want to crash your car.
- Don’t be silly, you’re not going to crash it. – He said as the light changed and he simultaneously switched gears on the stick shift and removed his right foot from the brake and lightly, but firmly pressed the gas pedal. – You need to practice you know, and why not now? I mean, the road is empty, there’s no one around but us, as far as I can tell.
- I don’t know… I don’t think now is the best time for me to drive.
- Why not? – He inquired keeping his eyes on the road, but he was listening to her intently and she knew it. – Is something wrong?
- Why don’t you drive to somewhere quiet and we’ll talk. – She suggested. – I need to get out of here, get away from this town, it’s suffocating me.
- Sure. I know a place…

He turned his thoughts to the road and focused solely on getting to their destination: a little beach outside of town. The beach was crowded during summer days, but rather empty during the night. Well except for a few horny teenage, and many not so teenage couples that came here to “make out”. But just for tonight the horny couples of the city stayed at home with their air conditions and television sets. The weather was horrible after all. They drove in silence; neither wanting to disturb the comfortable silence made by the agreement, and besides Louis and Duke filled it just fine with their jazz masterpieces.

When he finally drove to the beach and found a parking place far enough he turned off the engine and pulled the hand brake. He lowered the volume on the car radio, unbuckled his seatbelt and turned toward his best friend. She was still staring through the window deep in thought.

- Do you want to walk for a bit? – He wanted to know what was bothering her, but he didn’t know how to tactfully pose the question.
- I’m fine here. – She told him and finally unbuckled her seatbelt. She took a deep breath and turned toward him. Her face was normal, perhaps somewhat serious, but something in her eyes was bothering him. – My ex called me.
- Oh… – That was all he could say at the moment. It really was a sensitive subject and he knew that she didn’t like to talk about him, or their relationship. She didn’t like to talk about her relationships in general, but that one had ended rather odd, even by the quirky standards they both had. – What did he say?
- Well he said he wants to go out for a drink with the gang and that’s why he’s calling. – She said and shrugged like it was nothing. – He’s seeing someone and she’s coming too.
- What?! – He cried surprised. – You’re kidding me? – He looked in to her eyes and found no trace of mirth there. – Or not… – He lamely finished.
- Yeah… So we’re all meeting tomorrow night at about 7 p.m. at our usual spot.
- Are you going?
- I’m thinking about it…
- What’s there to think about? – He was outraged now. – I mean the guy’s a jerk. He calls you up and then tells you he’s bringing his new girlfriend with him. What kind of idiot is he?
- An inconsiderate one apparently. – She chimed sarcastically. – I mean the whole thing is so damn awkward. How am I supposed to behave now?! – Her voice rose. – What am I supposed to say to her?! Hi, I’m your boyfriend’s ex. Nice to meet you. Gods this is so frustrating…
- Well you can always tell them you have a previous engagement or something.
- And what? Stay at home and feel sorry for myself? No thanks.
- That’s not what I meant and you know it. Come on, don’t be like that.
- I’m sorry. This whole thing is just stupid. – She ran her fingers trough her hair in frustration. – It’s just that… I don’t know… He left me because he supposedly wasn’t good with long distance relationships. And now, like 4 months later, he has a new girlfriend who’s studying out of town and suddenly long distance is not a problem! Come on… How stupid can you get?! He could at least tell me that he liked someone else or something and not use this dumb excuse.
- I’m sorry, I didn’t know that. – He spoke softly, realising now why she refused to talk about her ex. And he had to admit it; that really was a stupid excuse. He was in some dumb relationships, did stupid things, but breaking up with someone like that was just plain moronic. Breakups were hard and the least one could do is tell the true reason behind it. It was only fair.
- Well now you know. – She said dejectedly. – And the worst part is that I have no idea what I did wrong? Everything seemed fine, he looked happy to be with me, I was happy with him… The sex life…
- Whoa, whoa… Stop! – He cried waving his hands in front of her. – As much as a best male friend I am to you, I really don’t want to listen about your sex life. Tell that stuff to your girl friends.
- Sorry. – She blushed. – I kind of forgot… I was just venting and it came out. Sorry.
- I’m not mad, it’s just awkward… Discussing that with you…
- It’s OK, really, I get it.

They sat in silence for a while listening to the sound of the waves crashing on the shore accompanied by the, now quiet, jazz tunes coming from the CD player. He was looking at her, trying to figure out what to say, how to help her; and somehow wondering how in hell he managed to get himself in another relationship problem solving mess. But she was his best friend, well best friend who was a girl, well woman… Semantics… She helped him out when he had relationship problem and she was, as they said, his interpreter of the female mind. But the bottom line was that she was a good friend, and there was nothing in the world he wouldn’t do for his friends.

- Do you have to go to work tomorrow? – She asked him suddenly.
- Ah… Not really… – He started. – I was fired… Well, actually, the term they used was redundant. Economic crises, recession and all that crap… So now I’m officially unemployed.
- I’m sorry. Look at me, you got fired and here I am pestering you about my stupid ex relationship problems. I’m really a first class idiot.
- No you’re not, and it’s all right. You didn’t know I was fired. Besides these days people get fired every day.
- And people get dumped every day. – She retorted. – And they get over it. Or at least they try to. They don’t bitch and whine about it… They just get over it…
- So… What are you going to do about that situation of yours?
- Do? I’ll go. – She said kind of bitterly. – Of course I’ll go, I always go. I’ll be all smiles and hugs and please to meet you and I’ll pretend that everything is all right, that it isn’t darn awkward and confusing for me to be here. I’ll do it because I have to do it, because I don’t want to break up the gang. We’re friends, and friendships are worth more than one stupid relationship. Those things come and go, but friends, true friends, stay forever.
- You’ve made a good decision.
- Did I really?
- Sure you did. You always knew how to handle tough choices… Doing what had to be done… Not a lot of people can say that for themselves.
- And a lot of good that brought me. – She responded sarcastically, but then she smiled. – Thank you. For listening to me ranting about my problems, for driving me around town, for being patient, for being a good friend…
- You’re welcome.
- And you? What are you going to do now?
- Well I was thinking about taking a vacation and doing nothing for a few months… – He said smiling. – But I have to go to the Unemployment Office fill out all that paperwork, and when I’m done with that then I can go job hunting.
- I’ll ask around, try to pull some strings to get you somewhere.
- You don’t need to. Really, you don’t.
- But I want to. Besides – she said with a happy smile on her face. – That’s what friends are for.

He smiled at her and suddenly the weather wasn’t so hot and sticky anymore. It was bearable, fine even, they thought as they took the comforting knowledge that the person who they clamed was their best friend would always be around to help when they needed it.